Ever wanted to be a fly on the corpse at your own funeral?
Ever wondered what your loved ones would really say about you?
Ever wanted to say goodbye on your terms and live to tell the tale?
The Church of the Sturdy Virgin is your chance to do just that. We offer an experience like no other, where you are in charge of your own burial. We take you into our chapel, learn all your secrets, and deliver a bespoke funeral service for you and your bereaved comrades, culminating in you being lowered into a very real grave.
LET'S TEACH THE DEAD TO DANCE
The Church of the Sturdy Virgin offers the most mind-trippingly alternative services, from funerals to christenings, exorcisms to evening song, baptisms to blood bindings. The Church promises cabaret, chaos and calamitous inclusion for all those sturdy enough to stand in the presence of the Virgin.
POUR THE DUMB GROUND INTO YOUR MOUTH
WE GIVE YOU TO THE WORMS
The Church is now resident at BoomTown Fair, and we shall be returning for the fifth year running next summer. Competition for a hole in the ground is always extremely fierce, so if you think an awful accident or illness might befall you while you're visiting the glorious Fair, why not save all the hassle and pain your passing is bound to cause, and get yourself booked in now? Just head to our Facebook page and send us a message.
Come confess your sins under cover of our Cardboard Box Confessionals™. Have your demons exorcised, and preserved in a commemorative keyring. Learn how to protect yourselves at Sunday School from such abhorrent evils as sugar, nipples, and UV rays. Bask in the glory of the Sturdy Virgin, and dance till you have appeased the souls of the dead.